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Friday, 18 April 2008

Sunday, 30 April 2006

  • Currently Listening
    The Score
    By Fugees (Refugee Camp)
    see related
    So lately I've been super bored and stressed and stuff and decided that I should brush up on my photoshopping skills to relax myself. And the other day I was browsing through the Suicide Girl's profile and came across this photo:



    Well I didn't like it and decided to photoshop it. This is the end result:



    Show me some love and tell me what you think

Saturday, 25 March 2006

  • How are you?

    That's the question I'm asked often and every time that I am asked that question I respond with the same answer, "ok", though in reality I'm not "ok", far from it really. Now a days I feel I guess you can say "empty". There seems to be this void within me. This emptiness that I can't seem to get rid of. Those that I once held dear no longer have much meaning to me. They are just these bodies that are passing through. Soon to be forgotten along with this moment in time and known only as my past. Could it be true what some people suspect? Could I really being going through a depression? I admit I haven't truly felt happy in a long time. But now things are different. At least before I felt some form of happiness. But then again I used to fill my time with my friends. At times it felt as though I were living through them. They were the only real joy I had in my life. Now all I feel is loneliness. As if there where something missing in my life. But I'm not sure what. I thought I knew but now I am no longer sure. Will this feeling ever pass? Will I ever be able to answer that question honestly or will I have to continue to lie and hide this truth that I've been harboring within me for so long? Hopefully it will.

Thursday, 23 March 2006

  •     So, I'm happy to say that my dog is ok. Apparently he had a stomach ache and stuff. Yesterday I also noticed that he had a bald spot in an area that he's always licking. That could've been the cause for his being sick. I don't know though.
        Anyways, onto other news. I'm still feeling all out of it and not really sure what's going on anymore. I've been talking to my friend Orlando and he thinks I should just end things with Kris if it doesn't make me happy. He also thinks I should stop being friend's with Mike. As much as I still care about him, I have to agree, it would be best if I just ended my friendship with him. Emotionally it's affecting me badly. I can't talk to him without becoming extremely depressed and crying. Lately I have noticed that I have little tolerance for people now. Well guys anyway. Any time guys start to try and "get in my pants" I become angry and I don't want anything to do with them. I'm finding most guys to be absolute pigs and I can't stand how sleazy some of them can be. I don't want to deal with these immature little bastards that only think with their dicks and would rather have them dead then anything else. Most of them are just a waste of life and need to leave me alone.
         I've recently met new people that don't disgust me at all, well kind of. One of them, Ryan, I don't really like hi. I can see him more as a possible friend but that is all. He's a bit of a meathead and he recently pissed me off when he said "yay I'm getting laid tonight" after I said I'd hang out with him. That right there made me wary of him so I've been putting him off a bit. Another is named Steve, he's cool I guess. We talk a lot and he's sweet but I don't know yet. The third guy I first began talking to last year. He's cool, his name is also Ryan, we talk all the time and he's just a great guy. There's also Orlando, we also talk all the time he gives me a lot of advice which is cool and I'm learning about sports from him even though I hate sports. And then there is Ben, he's hilarious and I absolutely love talking to him he makes so many perverted comments that are funny and he just really knows how to make a person's day better when it's been lousy. There are some other pretty cool people that I've met but I'm too lazy to type about them.
        A good thing thats happening is that school is almost over, only thirty-two days left, yay! I'm very happy about that, this school year has been absolute hell for me. Too many things have happened to me this year that has really affected me badly and I just want to get passed it all. But yeah, since school is almost over I have made a promise myself to not skip school anymore. I need to raise my grades and improve my attendance since they've put me on attendance contract and threatened to kick me out already. I'm also in the process of looking for a part-time job because I really need one especially for next year since my dad said he wouldn't pay for my books and supplies and stuff. Plus I want to start saving so that I can move out. I'm also going to stop being lazy and start learning how to drive because I really need to know how to for next year since my school is so far from where I live. But yeah...that's all I really had to say today.

    <3

Monday, 20 March 2006

  • I'm not sure about anything now. I don't know what I want anymore. Well as far as people are concerned. And I realize now I'm pushing people away. People that I used to care about. Mike, will forever be someone special to me but I'm ending our friendship. I can't take deal with the pain any longer. I'm tired of crying and he's the cause of it. Kris...I'm not so sure what it is about him. I guess you can say I'm getting tired of him. I'm sick of being affectionate with him and messing around. I'm tired of the whole meaningless of our relationship. It sickens me almost. I'm not sure what to do with him anymore. I've met some people lately. People that I communicate with on a different level from the others. It's more comfortable for me. Could it be simply because they're different? That they are new? I don't know. All I do know is that I prefer their company  to those I already  knew. They're like a breath of fresh air. I look forward to talking to them. But I've realized I'm also becoming wary of some people. I don't trust as much easily. I don't want the affection of others...at least not from guys. Am I becoming sick of them? Or am I just simply becoming sick of the whole situation that I have found myself in lately with them? I don't know. But I do know that I don't want to be bothered by them anymore I'm tired of it.

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aloversvictim

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    • Name: michelle
    • Country: United States
    • State: Florida
    • Metro: Orlando
    • Birthday: 9/12/1987
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/1/2005

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  • There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right. Such a cruel contradiction I know I cross the lines its not easy to define. I'm born to indecision. There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose. With no particular rhyme or reason.

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